When Resistance Meets Resilience

We talk about resistance to change as if it’s something to conquer. But what if resistance isn’t a problem to solve? What if it’s a signal, a sign that something important is at stake?

When change arrives, especially the kind we didn’t ask for, it’s natural to push back. We cling to what we know. We look for steady ground. But resistance doesn’t always mean stubbornness. Sometimes, it means we’re trying to protect what matters most.

There was a time in my life when I faced a deeply unwanted personal change. It felt like my world was shifting, and the tools I’d used to help others through change didn’t seem to work for me. I was the change expert who suddenly couldn’t change.

So, I did something unfamiliar: I went to therapy. Sitting there, I listed all the things I thought were wrong with me, my reactions, the overthinking, emotions that seemed too much. It sounded like a report card of flaws.

Later, I told a close friend, “I’m realizing how many flaws I have.” She paused, smiled gently, and said, “What if your flaws are your personality?”

That stopped me cold. What if the very traits I was judging were a part of my design? What if they weren’t broken pieces to fix, but clues to what makes me who I am? That conversation changed how I view resistance. Resistance isn’t always defiance it’s often information. It tells us something about our values,
boundaries, and sense of safety.

When people resist, it’s usually because something important feels threatened, such as competence, control, or connection. If we pause and ask why we’re resisting, we can uncover what we truly need to move forward.

In the READY framework, the “Y” stands for Why to reduce resistance. Understanding that “why” doesn’t just help others, it helps us, too. When we take the time to reflect on what sits beneath our hesitation, we discover that resistance can be a teacher, not a threat.

I’ve met many capable professionals who quietly describe themselves as “too detail-oriented,” “too sensitive,” or “too driven.” But those same qualities often fuel their success. Attention to detail ensures precision. Sensitivity strengthens communication and drive pushes projects across the finish line. These aren’t flaws, they’re features. They may simply need balance.

Every strength has a shadow side. Empathy can drain us if we don’t refuel and skepticism can harden into cynicism if we stop listening. The key isn’t to erase these traits, it’s to recognize when they’re working for us and when they’re working against us.

And this leads to resilience. Resilience isn’t about bouncing back fast or wearing a brave face. It’s about staying steady enough to learn from what’s happening. It’s the ability to pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully, even when life feels unsteady.

During that difficult season, I learned something unexpected, I didn’t need to fix myself to get through it. I needed to understand myself. When I stopped fighting my reactions and started listening to them, they turned from obstacles into insights. That’s what real resilience looks like, not toughness, but awareness. It’s knowing when to push and when to pause. It’s giving room to adapt without losing your sense of self.

Resistance isn’t failure, it’s feedback. It’s an internal signal inviting us to listen and learn. When we do, we can turn resistance into resilience.

The READY framework reminds us that understanding the “why” behind resistance helps create meaningful, lasting change, both in organizations and in individuals. Because maybe the parts of us we’ve tried to “fix” were never broken at all. Maybe resistance isn’t standing in our way, it’s showing us the way forward.